I had the privilege this past Saturday to speak at my cousin's baptism & I have to say- I was so nervous! My adorable neice called me last month & asked me to speak on "Baptism". It has been quite some time since I reflected on my own baptism, the feelings I had, and the excitement I felt as I took my first big step as a member of the church. My niece and I have shared a very special friendship since she was tiny, and I felt honored to play a small role in her baptism day. As I watched her parents look at her with pride, love, and the bittersweet realization that their last child was now baptized, you see their eyes glaze over for a moment as they ponder on where the time's gone & how their little ones are growing up so fast. I feel so much gratitude to be witness to those moments & I look forward to becoming a mother someday and sharing in that kind of love with my children.
Speaking of children, the adoption process continues to move forward & even though the paperwork seems endless and each day that passes feels like a day lost, I anticipate the moment we recieve the call telling us our family is going to grow. I look out my window, feeling the warmth of the sun & staring up at the blue sky, and I immediately feel comforted; I have all of this beauty around me & am blessed in so many ways by my Heavenly Father everyday.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Sundays at Our House
I love Sundays... the smell of Alex's perfect pot roast, taking Dodge (our boxer puppy) for walks around the neighborhood, an afternoon sports game (football season is our favorite), and of course-going to church!
I have always loved Sundays & I owe it to my Mom. There was always a special feeling in our home on Sundays. I would wake up to the sound of church music playing, my mom would be in the kitchen getting the afternoon roast in the oven, and I remember the Spirit always feeling especially close on Sundays.
Alex has his own family "Sunday traditions" too! Every Sunday, growing up, they would attend church together and when they would get home, he and his 2 brothers would have Sunday dinner assignments. Alex's family has a huge garden out back, so the boys would be in charge of picking potatoes and vegetables from the garden. It's cool because on Sundays, the men cook and clean up the meals. It can't get any better than that! They like to play games together and eat lots of dessert.
We like to combine our family traditions in our home and create a few new ones along the way.
I have always loved Sundays & I owe it to my Mom. There was always a special feeling in our home on Sundays. I would wake up to the sound of church music playing, my mom would be in the kitchen getting the afternoon roast in the oven, and I remember the Spirit always feeling especially close on Sundays.
Alex has his own family "Sunday traditions" too! Every Sunday, growing up, they would attend church together and when they would get home, he and his 2 brothers would have Sunday dinner assignments. Alex's family has a huge garden out back, so the boys would be in charge of picking potatoes and vegetables from the garden. It's cool because on Sundays, the men cook and clean up the meals. It can't get any better than that! They like to play games together and eat lots of dessert.
We like to combine our family traditions in our home and create a few new ones along the way.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Faith in His timing
I'd like to start out by saying how truly grateful I am for my Savior, our Savior. I can truly testify to His mercy & His love for each and every one of us. I know how crazy this may sound, but I'm especially thankful for my trials; whether private or public. I say this because during those moments, I feel my Savior's love and His support especially close.
Today brought with it a bittersweet moment, one that I have felt many times before and know will continue to be a challenge for me. A co-worker and friend of mine has been trying to get pregnant for the last 8 months or so. She came into work today announcing that she just found out she was expecting! I'm immediately overcome with a mixture of feelings in those first few seconds. I am so happy, sincerely happy for my friend; but I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard at the same time. I immediately turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort and help; I don't turn to Him for an explanation or to ask "Why not me?" (at least not anymore :) . I turn to Him because He knows better than I; because He knows how I am feeling; and because He has a plan for Alex and myself. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing."
My mom has always taught me that the best way to get over the blues, is to get out there and serve someone else!
This friend of mine is just that-a friend and one who deserves all the happiness that pregnancy brings!
I had a fun idea come to mind so I ran to the store and picked up a few pregnancy essentials: prenatals, baby magazines & catalogs, and some munchies. Hope she enjoys it!
For any birth mother reading this now, I want you to know how excited I am for each one of you!
Today brought with it a bittersweet moment, one that I have felt many times before and know will continue to be a challenge for me. A co-worker and friend of mine has been trying to get pregnant for the last 8 months or so. She came into work today announcing that she just found out she was expecting! I'm immediately overcome with a mixture of feelings in those first few seconds. I am so happy, sincerely happy for my friend; but I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard at the same time. I immediately turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort and help; I don't turn to Him for an explanation or to ask "Why not me?" (at least not anymore :) . I turn to Him because He knows better than I; because He knows how I am feeling; and because He has a plan for Alex and myself. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing."
My mom has always taught me that the best way to get over the blues, is to get out there and serve someone else!
This friend of mine is just that-a friend and one who deserves all the happiness that pregnancy brings!
I had a fun idea come to mind so I ran to the store and picked up a few pregnancy essentials: prenatals, baby magazines & catalogs, and some munchies. Hope she enjoys it!
For any birth mother reading this now, I want you to know how excited I am for each one of you!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
New Year....New Beginnings
I can't believe January has nearly come and gone already-it seems as if it were December just yesterday. I recall that same feeling I get before ever new year; that feeling of how strange it will feel writing 2009 instead 2008; planning my resolutions (though I feel like I am constantly making new ones every day); and the feeling of anticipation for what is to come, what lessons I will learn, what trials I will overcome.
It's an amazing feeling isn't it?-to know that you can start fresh at any time; that you, and you alone, decide the path you will take and who will be by your side.
I have my Heavenly Father with me each day, guiding me and constantly shedding light on questions I may have or decisions I need His help to make. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, to take my hand & walk by my side. Alex is the man I had always hoped I would find, and so much more. His gentle eyes, his kind way of offering help & encouragement, and his sense of humor are a daily testament to me that Heavenly Father loves me; that each woman is a daughter of God who deserves to love and be loved.
After much prayer & personal confirmation from the Savior, Alex and I have chosen to adopt. When we were engaged, we discussed adoption and our shared desire to one day be blessed with the opportunity to do so. We were married in the fall of 2006 and wanted to build our family almost immediately! After nearly 5 months of negative pregnancy test results, we were finally blessed with a positive! That morning, Alex had left for work & we figured the test results would be the same as before, so I can honestly say the "PREGNANT" result was a complete surprise! I called Alex immediately & made the second important phone call to-who else-my mom! She was thrilled at the news & encouraged me to visit my doctor to confirm. However, she gave me a friendly reminder to share the news with co-workers & friends after my first trimester. I didn't pay much attention to her advice because I figured everything would work out just as it had for sisters and friends around me. Alex gave the news to his Dad as well, and recieved the same response! We felt very confused-here we are, pregnant finally, and our parents had given us the same advice. Within weeks, their advice would prove to be true. We miscarried at 8 1/2 weeks and the heart ache & disappointment was nearly too much to bare. We have been trying, with the help of wonderful doctors and faithful prayer, ever since. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing". We are still waiting for our time. And, little did we know the plan Heavenly Father had for us & how much our lives would change....
I got a phone call from my younger sister, Danielle, about 2 weeks after my miscarriage. Danielle was 19, single, and had just started school at her local community college on an academic scholarship. She had made the girls basketball team, enjoying the college social life, when she found out she was..... pregnant.
Danielle and I come from a family of all girls and we are the closest in age. We have always shared a special relationship and bond as sisters, and I cherish her greatly. When I recieved her call, before a single word had been said, I knew in my heart the news she would eventually share. I surprised myself with the feelings that overcame me- I felt an overwhelming amount of love and compassion for her and the circumstances she was is. The first phone call soon turned in to dozens, some filled with fear & anger that she felt because of the situation she was in, others filled with understanding and hope that she would make it through. To this day, I cannot imagine the chaos of feelings she must have experienced-she was 19, pregnant, and had no support from the father. She had just started her life away from home, began building new friendships & getting good grades; and yet, as she has told me so many times since, somewhere along that road of change and trying new things, she had somehow lost her way for a bit.
She delivered her beautiful son, which I gratefully witnessed, on Thanksgiving day. He couldn't have been more perfect, more beautiful, or looked more like her. To this day, it is one of the most sacred moments in my life. She had considered adoption throughout her pregnancy, but decided to try and raise him on her own. After 4 months of struggling to make ends meet & her realizing that living a college lifestyle, at his expense, wouldn't be best for him, she met with LDS Family Services. I couldn't have been more upset! We had grown up in a family where our bond with one another was unbreakable, where each of us would do anything for the other, and adoption just seemed out of the question. Danielle trusted her heart & made the most selfless act of love a mother could make for her child-she gave him more. She gave him endless possibilities and the chance to have the very best of life. And I see and know that now.
He was adopted by an amazing family who loves him as much as we do. There is a glow about him, as if to say, I'm happy and thank-you!
I look to my sister as a pillar of strength and believe, without any doubt, that her experience has and will continue to touch my life and the lives of others. She made a selfless choice that I know her son will forever be grateful for, and I know how proud Heavenly Father is of her. I know how proud I am of her.
I share this story not to say that adoption is always the answer for everyone, but to share through my sister's experience, the powerful healing that can come to all involved. I know because I have felt and witnessed it.
I believe that there are no coincidences in life and that we can grow and be refined by our experiences.
Alex and I are so grateful for each and every birth mother. You are all daughters of God and I know how much he loves you. We look forward to the journey that surely lies ahead and we are praying for each one of you every day. Continue to seek out your Heavenly Father; "knock and he shall open."
It's an amazing feeling isn't it?-to know that you can start fresh at any time; that you, and you alone, decide the path you will take and who will be by your side.
I have my Heavenly Father with me each day, guiding me and constantly shedding light on questions I may have or decisions I need His help to make. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, to take my hand & walk by my side. Alex is the man I had always hoped I would find, and so much more. His gentle eyes, his kind way of offering help & encouragement, and his sense of humor are a daily testament to me that Heavenly Father loves me; that each woman is a daughter of God who deserves to love and be loved.
After much prayer & personal confirmation from the Savior, Alex and I have chosen to adopt. When we were engaged, we discussed adoption and our shared desire to one day be blessed with the opportunity to do so. We were married in the fall of 2006 and wanted to build our family almost immediately! After nearly 5 months of negative pregnancy test results, we were finally blessed with a positive! That morning, Alex had left for work & we figured the test results would be the same as before, so I can honestly say the "PREGNANT" result was a complete surprise! I called Alex immediately & made the second important phone call to-who else-my mom! She was thrilled at the news & encouraged me to visit my doctor to confirm. However, she gave me a friendly reminder to share the news with co-workers & friends after my first trimester. I didn't pay much attention to her advice because I figured everything would work out just as it had for sisters and friends around me. Alex gave the news to his Dad as well, and recieved the same response! We felt very confused-here we are, pregnant finally, and our parents had given us the same advice. Within weeks, their advice would prove to be true. We miscarried at 8 1/2 weeks and the heart ache & disappointment was nearly too much to bare. We have been trying, with the help of wonderful doctors and faithful prayer, ever since. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing". We are still waiting for our time. And, little did we know the plan Heavenly Father had for us & how much our lives would change....
I got a phone call from my younger sister, Danielle, about 2 weeks after my miscarriage. Danielle was 19, single, and had just started school at her local community college on an academic scholarship. She had made the girls basketball team, enjoying the college social life, when she found out she was..... pregnant.
Danielle and I come from a family of all girls and we are the closest in age. We have always shared a special relationship and bond as sisters, and I cherish her greatly. When I recieved her call, before a single word had been said, I knew in my heart the news she would eventually share. I surprised myself with the feelings that overcame me- I felt an overwhelming amount of love and compassion for her and the circumstances she was is. The first phone call soon turned in to dozens, some filled with fear & anger that she felt because of the situation she was in, others filled with understanding and hope that she would make it through. To this day, I cannot imagine the chaos of feelings she must have experienced-she was 19, pregnant, and had no support from the father. She had just started her life away from home, began building new friendships & getting good grades; and yet, as she has told me so many times since, somewhere along that road of change and trying new things, she had somehow lost her way for a bit.
She delivered her beautiful son, which I gratefully witnessed, on Thanksgiving day. He couldn't have been more perfect, more beautiful, or looked more like her. To this day, it is one of the most sacred moments in my life. She had considered adoption throughout her pregnancy, but decided to try and raise him on her own. After 4 months of struggling to make ends meet & her realizing that living a college lifestyle, at his expense, wouldn't be best for him, she met with LDS Family Services. I couldn't have been more upset! We had grown up in a family where our bond with one another was unbreakable, where each of us would do anything for the other, and adoption just seemed out of the question. Danielle trusted her heart & made the most selfless act of love a mother could make for her child-she gave him more. She gave him endless possibilities and the chance to have the very best of life. And I see and know that now.
He was adopted by an amazing family who loves him as much as we do. There is a glow about him, as if to say, I'm happy and thank-you!
I look to my sister as a pillar of strength and believe, without any doubt, that her experience has and will continue to touch my life and the lives of others. She made a selfless choice that I know her son will forever be grateful for, and I know how proud Heavenly Father is of her. I know how proud I am of her.
I share this story not to say that adoption is always the answer for everyone, but to share through my sister's experience, the powerful healing that can come to all involved. I know because I have felt and witnessed it.
I believe that there are no coincidences in life and that we can grow and be refined by our experiences.
Alex and I are so grateful for each and every birth mother. You are all daughters of God and I know how much he loves you. We look forward to the journey that surely lies ahead and we are praying for each one of you every day. Continue to seek out your Heavenly Father; "knock and he shall open."
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