New Year....New Beginnings

I can't believe January has nearly come and gone already-it seems as if it were December just yesterday. I recall that same feeling I get before ever new year; that feeling of how strange it will feel writing 2009 instead 2008; planning my resolutions (though I feel like I am constantly making new ones every day); and the feeling of anticipation for what is to come, what lessons I will learn, what trials I will overcome.

It's an amazing feeling isn't it?-to know that you can start fresh at any time; that you, and you alone, decide the path you will take and who will be by your side.
I have my Heavenly Father with me each day, guiding me and constantly shedding light on questions I may have or decisions I need His help to make. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, to take my hand & walk by my side. Alex is the man I had always hoped I would find, and so much more. His gentle eyes, his kind way of offering help & encouragement, and his sense of humor are a daily testament to me that Heavenly Father loves me; that each woman is a daughter of God who deserves to love and be loved.

After much prayer & personal confirmation from the Savior, Alex and I have chosen to adopt. When we were engaged, we discussed adoption and our shared desire to one day be blessed with the opportunity to do so. We were married in the fall of 2006 and wanted to build our family almost immediately! After nearly 5 months of negative pregnancy test results, we were finally blessed with a positive! That morning, Alex had left for work & we figured the test results would be the same as before, so I can honestly say the "PREGNANT" result was a complete surprise! I called Alex immediately & made the second important phone call to-who else-my mom! She was thrilled at the news & encouraged me to visit my doctor to confirm. However, she gave me a friendly reminder to share the news with co-workers & friends after my first trimester. I didn't pay much attention to her advice because I figured everything would work out just as it had for sisters and friends around me. Alex gave the news to his Dad as well, and recieved the same response! We felt very confused-here we are, pregnant finally, and our parents had given us the same advice. Within weeks, their advice would prove to be true. We miscarried at 8 1/2 weeks and the heart ache & disappointment was nearly too much to bare. We have been trying, with the help of wonderful doctors and faithful prayer, ever since. "Faith in God includes faith in His timing". We are still waiting for our time. And, little did we know the plan Heavenly Father had for us & how much our lives would change....

I got a phone call from my younger sister, Danielle, about 2 weeks after my miscarriage. Danielle was 19, single, and had just started school at her local community college on an academic scholarship. She had made the girls basketball team, enjoying the college social life, when she found out she was..... pregnant.
Danielle and I come from a family of all girls and we are the closest in age. We have always shared a special relationship and bond as sisters, and I cherish her greatly. When I recieved her call, before a single word had been said, I knew in my heart the news she would eventually share. I surprised myself with the feelings that overcame me- I felt an overwhelming amount of love and compassion for her and the circumstances she was is. The first phone call soon turned in to dozens, some filled with fear & anger that she felt because of the situation she was in, others filled with understanding and hope that she would make it through. To this day, I cannot imagine the chaos of feelings she must have experienced-she was 19, pregnant, and had no support from the father. She had just started her life away from home, began building new friendships & getting good grades; and yet, as she has told me so many times since, somewhere along that road of change and trying new things, she had somehow lost her way for a bit.
She delivered her beautiful son, which I gratefully witnessed, on Thanksgiving day. He couldn't have been more perfect, more beautiful, or looked more like her. To this day, it is one of the most sacred moments in my life. She had considered adoption throughout her pregnancy, but decided to try and raise him on her own. After 4 months of struggling to make ends meet & her realizing that living a college lifestyle, at his expense, wouldn't be best for him, she met with LDS Family Services. I couldn't have been more upset! We had grown up in a family where our bond with one another was unbreakable, where each of us would do anything for the other, and adoption just seemed out of the question. Danielle trusted her heart & made the most selfless act of love a mother could make for her child-she gave him more. She gave him endless possibilities and the chance to have the very best of life. And I see and know that now.
He was adopted by an amazing family who loves him as much as we do. There is a glow about him, as if to say, I'm happy and thank-you!

I look to my sister as a pillar of strength and believe, without any doubt, that her experience has and will continue to touch my life and the lives of others. She made a selfless choice that I know her son will forever be grateful for, and I know how proud Heavenly Father is of her. I know how proud I am of her.

I share this story not to say that adoption is always the answer for everyone, but to share through my sister's experience, the powerful healing that can come to all involved. I know because I have felt and witnessed it.
I believe that there are no coincidences in life and that we can grow and be refined by our experiences.

Alex and I are so grateful for each and every birth mother. You are all daughters of God and I know how much he loves you. We look forward to the journey that surely lies ahead and we are praying for each one of you every day. Continue to seek out your Heavenly Father; "knock and he shall open."